A Time and a Season!

As I sat at my computer this morning messaging with a friend some words came out of me that caught me off guard. My eyes stung with warm tears as I realized how truly blessed I am again. Wow! What is it about us as women and mothers?! We are so hard on ourselves. We dismiss all the great things we are doing and accomplishing because it doesn’t match up to this ideal we have in our head or we haven’t accomplished everything on our to do list. Let’s face it that to do list is never going away! It only continues to grow!

Lately I’ve been feeling really down on myself. My children are growing so fast and while I am present I am not present as I would like since I work full time from home with them around me all day. My mind has been wandering to the future and what age my children will be when I am finally able to stop working. I’ve been focused on how hard it is to work and balance my kids and how unfair it is that I have to work at all. Which when I feel this way I feel even worse as I know I am so fortunate to provide for my family.

As I was talking with my friend about schooling for my kids and where we hope to live some day after my husband is out of school some words came out that just opened my eyes again. I said there is a time and a season for everything! How blessed I am that for this small season I am able to provide for my family. How blessed I am that for this small season my son is going to a preschool that specializes in his needs to help him learn! How blessed I am that I have access to a speech therapist for my oldest daughter to teach her and me how to help her to speak! How blessed I am to be able to watch my children each day albeit sometimes more on the sidelines but I am not missing out on words being spoken, hugs being given, the ABC song being sung, Lego towers being built, or moments of cuddles in the middle of the day.

There will be a time and a season for me to be more fully devoted to my children. There will be a time and a season for my house to be perfectly clean. There will be a time and season where I can accomplish more on that to do list. Our lives are made of times and seasons some are longer than others and some are fleeting. They never feel fleeting in the moment though as we are bogged down with the weight of the world upon us. But who wants us to feel like this moment will never pass? Who wants us to think about what we are missing out on? Satan does. He wants us to be miserable in this life and in the life to come just like he is. But I don’t want to be miserable! I want to open my eyes and see the blessings that are pouring down from Heaven upon me.

I am so grateful for this season I have to be a mother! It is hard! It is challenging! But it is worth! My children are worth it!

Ecclesiastes Chapter 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Lessons in Motherhood - Cherish the Crazy Moments

Work is crazy! Pull my hair out or it will fall out on it's own kind of crazy right now! As I was sitting in my chair this morning trying to get some work done Elizabeth crawled over to me and climbed up my chair and started doing some high pitched singing. It quickly turned into I'm angry cries and I want you to hold me mom. I was in the middle of something though and I got frustrated and I lost my cool (I hate to admit it). I yelled at my precious almost 9 month old daughter who knows know other way to communicate than through crying. I felt guilty for yelling so as I moved my laptop out of the way and scooped up Elizabeth I said "It sure would be nice to have some peace and quiet for a minute." And as soon as I said the words my heart got heavy and I started to apologize.

I would rather have my ears hurt from my daughter screaming than have to deal with the heartache of her being gone. On Sunday a speaker in our ward at church shared a part of a conference talk that touched my heart when I first heard it and again on Sunday.

 

“One night our little son Richard, who had a heart problem, awoke crying. … Normally my wife always got up to take care of a crying baby, but this time I said, ‘I’ll take care of him.’

“Because of his problem, when he began to cry, his little heart would pound very rapidly. He would throw up and soil the bed clothing. That night I held him very close to try to calm his racing heart and stop his crying as I changed his clothes and put on new bedsheets. I held him until he went to sleep. I didn’t know then that just a few months later he would pass away. I will always remember holding him in my arms in the middle of that night.” (First Observe, Then Serve)

 

As I wished I could recall the words I had just said I was reminded of this story and how precious life is and we never know when will be the last time we hug or hold our children...say I love you, hide under a blanket together, fall asleep together watching TV.

 

So my lesson in motherhood today is that we need to cherish the moments with our children even when they are driving us crazy. They are young and innocent children who just want our attention. And no matter how crazy my work is my children are always more important even though the pressure put on me sometimes makes me think otherwise. I'm so grateful to be a mom and to have children to care for and messes to clean up and owies to comfort.

 

How did the morning end you might ask? I held Elizabeth for maybe 5 minutes and nursed her and she fell asleep. She was asking for just a little bit of my time. 

Lessons in Motherhood

This has been an interesting week so far. My husband started school up again and he has an afternoon/evening schedule. I work full time from home with my two kids. I thought I could handle it! There's been a huge learning curve! First I am super spoiled and I get that. My husband has been home with me for the last 15 weeks. It's been wonderful! And I get to work from home so I don't miss out on the moments with my children. With that said holy cow! Two kids is hard when they are both screaming, your trying to work, the kitchen is a mess and you need to make dinner. I almost broke into tears the other night. I felt very overwhelmed and alone. Thankfully that moment of dispair passed by quickly. A thought came into my mind just start with one thing. So I did and I managed to make it through the night. I got dinner made and enjoyed time with my kids.

 

Later that same evening I was busy doing things for myself. I was watching TV for me instead of my son and trying to get my daughter to bed. After I got Elizabeth to sleep I continued to watch TV for me (I know selfish) then I looked out in the hall and saw my son looking at a book. I turned the TV off and scooped Benjamin up and the book and took him into his room. We climbed into bed and under the covers and cuddled together reading books. We only looked at a few books before Benjamin rolled over and cuddled into me and fell asleep for the night.

 

Today I had the same scenario again and I remembered the advice...start with one thing. I did some dishes and then started on dinner. I had just turned on the stove and was heating oil to cook some onions in them when my daughter started crying. I told her to hold on a few minutes. Elizabeth cried again. I looked at her and then quickly turned the stove off. Dinner could wait! I took Elizabeth into the living room and sat down and nursed her and she fell asleep.

 

What have I learned this week in motherhood? That dishes, laundry and my work will always be there. But my children won't always be. I'm trying to be better about stopping and enjoying the moment with them. Taking time to enjoy them even when they are screaming and crying. I'm so grateful to be a mother.