Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Lessons Through Trials

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head?! For months now the song by the Police “Every Breath You Take” has been playing in my head but with the lyrics changed slightly.

It goes a little something like this…
“Every breath I take
And every move I make
Every single day, every step I take
I’m in constant pain”

It always make me giggle a little bit to myself but it’s so true. I have been in constant pain for months now. My joints hurt and my muscles hurt. I have felt like a 90 year old woman who can hardly move or do things for herself sometimes. It’s amazing how much we take our bodies for granted when they work and function properly and then miss it so much when we can’t do simple things like open a door or zip up a jacket.

But a week ago Thursday I finally got into a rheumatologist and was able to get a prescription that is 90 times better than the ibuprofen I’ve been living off of. I also got a cortisone shot in both of my shoulders so I can use them and it’s amazing! I can lift my arms above my head and I can pick up my babies without wincing. I was feeling so great the next night that I even started dancing in the kitchen a little bit and ran up the stairs. I felt like a new woman!

So you might be asking yourself why on earth do I suffer from so much pain at only 31 years of age?! I ask that question frequently when I throw myself a pity party and think how unfair life is. The gene pool can be unkind! I have psoriatic arthritis. I have had psoriasis as long as I can remember on my elbows, knees and scalp. Apparently around the age of 30 the arthritis can kick in! Again lucky me and that gene pool of mine.

There was a day several weeks back now where I came home from church and I was just in so much pain that I laid on my bed and cried. I was tired of hurting! I was tired of feeling like an invalid! I was tired of not being able to play on the floor with my kids! I was tired of being the mean wife and mommy because of the constant pain! I cried! And I cried! And I started crying unto the Lord! I cried for relief! I cried for patience! I cried for understanding! By the time I calmed down I felt so much better. I was at peace. I wasn’t doing the pity party anymore, I realized I needed to submit myself unto God and learn what He wants me to learn through this trial. I am so grateful for my Savior’s atonement that makes it possible to remove all pains if we truly turn to Him and take His yoke upon us.

One thing I have learned again through this trial is to not judge others. We can look at someone and wonder what is wrong with them and make judgments about them when we know nothing of their situation or circumstances when we see them for that small window in passing. I’m still working on this but it has truly started to change my mind on how I view others.

I still have a long way to go to really change things and not totally rely upon pain pills for the rest of my life but I am on my way. I have some life choices to make like giving up SUGAR!!! I have several Dr. appointments still to really figure everything out as my body is one ball of mess! But I am grateful for Dr.’s and the knowledge they have to help us out. And most especially I am grateful for my Savior and His atonement and patience with me.