not a good wife

A friend sent me the below in an email and I just cracked up! I am obviously not a good wife.
Reason's why...

1. Dinner is hardly ever ready and I certainly don't think a day in advance about it.
2. I never rest myself and beautify myself just for him. I've got him already why do I need to fuss?!
3. If I'm not already gay enough I don't know what else I can do.
4. Clutter! I'm the queen of clutter not keeping it clean. He refers to me frequently as hurricane Emily.
5. Can't have a fire ready for my husband! Need a fireplace!
6. No small children yet but one is on the way.
7. I'm not always happy to see him.
8. When he gets home I want him to please me.
9. I hardly ever let him talk first.
10. If anyone is out it is me.
11. My house is definitely not a place of peace and order.
12. I always have complaints and problems for him.
13. If I make dinner and he is late he will hear it.
14. He can make himself comfortable.
15. I hardly ever speak in a low soothing voice.
16. I always question him!
17. I know my place and it's right where I am!!!